Are You Honoring Your Core Values?

What is a 'Core Value' or "Desired Feeling"?

Basi­cally, core val­ues pro­vide us with an inter­nal ref­er­ence on how our authen­tic self wants to feel. 'Core Val­ues' can also be referred to as 'Core Desired Feelings'.

Okay, so let me try to explain that first sen­tence a wee bit: our authen­tic self is that "center" that Lao Tsu refers to in his quote: "At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want" When we strip away every­thing we believe we have to do or should do; when we stop par­tic­i­pat­ing in activ­i­ties that do not bring us joy or light us up in every way pos­si­ble; when we chal­lenge our assump­tions of who we should be; and when we throw away every­thing that does not feel good or feel right, then what we are left with is our authen­tic self, the "who you are" in Lao Tsu's quote.

Our core val­ues or core desired feelings are indi­ca­tors that point to, or show us, who our authen­tic self is.

Core desired feelings are indi­ca­tors of what lights you up and what makes you feel alive, ful­filled, exhil­a­rated, on top of the world. In this sense, a spe­cific set of core val­ues is fairly unique to each indi­vid­ual although shared core val­ues can often be found at the center of strong part­ner­ships and relationships of all kinds. And often, the larger the num­ber of core val­ues that are shared, the stronger the relationship or part­ner­ship that forms.

You know you have built your life around hon­or­ing your core desired feelings when your life is easy, full of joy, and when you know that there is very lit­tle, if any­thing, that you would change that could pos­si­ble make your life any bet­ter than it is right now.

You can also tell fairly eas­ily when your core desired feelings are not being hon­ored in your life from the neg­a­tive feel­ings that will often show up. Even indi­vid­u­als who have amaz­ing lives can still feel rest­less and unful­filled if any of their core val­ues are being ignored.

Sounds delicious, but...

How do I Know What My Core Desired Feelings or Val­ues Are?

Deter­min­ing your core val­ues is not a dif­fi­cult task, but it does require a bit of time and some concentration.

One way to deter­mine your core val­ues is to go through a list core val­ues and ask your­self how that spe­cific value makes you feel. Make note of any core value that you react pos­i­tively to and dis­card any val­ues that you either have no reac­tion to or you feel neg­a­tively to. For exam­ple, the value "account­abil­ity", when you think about that word and what it means, how does it make you feel? Does it excite you, or does it make you cringe? If it excites you, make a note of it.

In case you are strug­gling to find words to use to express your val­ues or desired feelings some examples are: adventurous, independent, freedom, affluent, secure, creative, curious, loving, challenged, joyous, mellow, optimistic, outrageous, passionate, brave, brilliant, powerful, benevolent, charming, bold, generous. Plenty of lists can also be found online by searching on the phrase "Per­sonal Core Values" or "Core Desired Feelings".

Most peo­ple going through this type of list will still end up with a rather large personal list of words they believe describe their values or desired feelings. This personal list should be reduced fur­ther to a final list of between 8 and 12 val­ues (this is an approx­i­mate num­ber, feel free to include what­ever num­ber of val­ues that light you up).

There are sev­eral ways to reduce your list of per­sonal core val­ues to a manageable-sized list. One way is to live with your ini­tial list for a while and explore what each word means to you - for exam­ple, what do you mean by 'Free­dom'. For some peo­ple 'Free­dom' is the lack of worry they feel by work­ing for a large com­pany and receiv­ing a pay­check every week. For oth­ers 'Free­dom' is being self-employed. How do you feel when you think about bring­ing more 'Free­dom' into your life? If this makes you feel really excited, then keep 'Free­dom' on your list. If it really doesn't draw much of a feel­ing from you, or makes you feel anx­ious or stressed, then elim­i­nate it from your list.

What Do I Do With This List Once I Have Cre­ated It?

Your final list is a strong indi­ca­tor of how your authen­tic self wants to show up in your life. Of the activ­i­ties, expe­ri­ences and feel­ings that will light you up and make your life easy and enjoyable.

Bring­ing your core val­ues or core desired feelings into your life is as easy as:

1. select one of your val­ues, for exam­ple 'Freedom'
2. list 5 activ­i­ties or expe­ri­ences that will give you the feel­ing of your value, for exam­ple the feel­ing of free­dom could come from spend­ing one hour a week doing some­thing just for you (tak­ing a walk, read­ing a book, vis­it­ing an art gallery, sketch­ing a flower, tak­ing up a hobby... ), or it could come from start­ing to cre­ate your own business
3. do 3 things this week that gen­er­ate the feel­ing you get from this value.
4. repeat this exer­cise for each of your core values or core desired feeling.

So, do you know what your core val­ues or your core desired feelings are? And are you honoring your core val­ues in the activ­i­ties and expe­ri­ences you are hav­ing in your life?

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